i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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