Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
