just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
