Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
