Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
