So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
