I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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