were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
