I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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