you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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