i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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