I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
