Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When are your genitals available?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
