dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
