Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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