Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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