omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
