it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
