I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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