yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
