Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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