yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
