I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
