nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
