All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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