jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
