1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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