Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
