Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
