So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
