Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
