I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
