This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
