My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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