u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk is not a location!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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