Please, let me fuck your mom
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
pray to the hookup gods
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He shit in the fireplace
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
