Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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