im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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