I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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