Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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