Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
