someone get that fucking seahorse.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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