Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
