nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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