I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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