yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
