Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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