if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
smell my finger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
