Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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