Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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