Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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