Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
