sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
how drunk are you?
Several
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
