Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
