I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
