I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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