The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
