I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
