You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
