Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They have beer where we have blood.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
