yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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