Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize