Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
