i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
