i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
