Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
