Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
