Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
