i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
