Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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