Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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