We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
