evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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