I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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