what day is it and did you see me today?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
