I CAN MOONWALK!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
