My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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