I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
