I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
